It's that time of year again. When the dramatic rise in temperature is rivaled only by the dangerous climb in our competitors' cholesterol rates. When fish cower at the sign of a blue smoke blowing dragon known only as "The Worm." It's the weekend following what is affectionately known as "Black Friday" among boat repair shops in Wilmington and Lakeville. Hide your vegetables and whip out your linguisa cause it's time to go Fishing With Dummies.
Of course, a line up of this year's classic wouldn't be complete without a wrap up of last year's results. Fortunately, they're very easy to remember. Jr won. He won early, often, and big. In everything. End of story. And that of course entitles him to the choice of sleeping accommodations which is a pretty big deal in light of the change of venues. Boom.
Ok, on to this year's line up. The real story here is the change in venue. The FWD has graduated from 3,000 acre Bow lake to the 42,000 acre jewel of New Hampshire - the great Lake Winnipesaukee.
Winni has it's share of large mouth but is predominantly known as a small mouth bass lake with these fierce footballs easily topping 3 and even 4 pounds. But a different target species means a rethinking of approach....or does it?
As a reminder, here are the usual suspects that our competitors will likely stock up on.
Note, these are "super" flukes, not regular small ones. They're about 6 inches.
Notice the size 2/0 and 3/0 - one for senks and one for flukes.
And here's a twist in case they are stacked up in 10+ feet. Tube jig head + tubes (squid looking things that simulate crawfish).
Of course Tommy will also bring 5 lures that he saw on shows filmed in Alabama and Santos will bring one $40 lure that the guy in the store swears will work.
Other Gear
It may rain Thurs. Bring rain gear. We fish in anything but lightening.
Chart - This lake is big enough to get lost on. Easily. GPS phone plus a laminated chart per boat is wise.
Extension cord - for Dummy and Tommy's onboard chargers.
I have no idea where the nearest bait shop is so come prepared.
Food
The FWD Competition Committee believes strongly in the equitable sharing of food and drink expenses. If competitors choose to take responsibility for cooking delicious filets like only Santos can or those tasty linguisa dough things Lanagan makes, they must declare it so before the Thursday preceding the event so that the Competition Committee can pick up the rest meals on the way up. Rest of the meals will consist of the standard grilled meats which will then become grilled meat sandwiches for on-lake consumption, and grilled meat and eggs for breakfast. Any competitor choosing to take ownership of a meal, like those tasty tasty filets Mike promised to make, will share the cost of the meal and all competitors will contribute evenly. The same stands for alcohol and cigar purchases intended for group consumption. Competitors will declare expenses, cash will be collected and distributed on Thursday evening.
Format
This year's competition will feature 2.5 days of fishing with a half day Thurs and whole day sessions on Friday, Saturday. The three captains will be Jr manning the Worm, Tommy on the Crappy, and Acky running the Celiba-Sea.
The following pairings are presented to encourage early wagering & collegial banter:
Thurs:
Jr - Santos
Tommy - Lanagan
Dummy - Sr
Friday:
Jr - Sr
Tommy - Santos
Dummy - Lanagan
Saturday:
Jr - Lanagan
Tommy - Sr
Dummy - Santos
Sunday:
A free for all for whoever's left standing.
Prizes
Each competitor must submit a $100 entry fee + bring enough cash for divvying up food / drink. $200 cash is a reasonable amount.
Total Fishing Prize Money = $550
Olympics Prize Money = $50
Daily Prizes:Biggest Fish: $50
Team 5 Fish Bag: $50
Event Prizes:FWD Spring Classic Team Champions (Biggest 5 Fish Bag of the Tourney) = $100
FWD Spring Classic Tourney Champion (Biggest Fish of the Tourney) = $125
FWD Olympics = $50 for 1st, $25 for second.
Small & large mouth only. Fish must be pictured on the scale.
The FWD Olympics
Once again, lack of participation in the FWD Olympics automatically leads to the worst sleeping arrangements.
The categories of the Olympics will be determined based on available activities but will certainly feature baggo and holdem.
Cash
Any competitor forgetting to bring the requisite amount of cash will be shamed in a manner appropriate to the ridiculousness of his sin. Following a thorough recap of the competitor's shortcomings as a man, that competitor will be instructed to drive to the nearest ATM or home, whichever is closest.
Odds:
For the first time in the tournament's history the FWD Spring Classic has attracted the attention of multiple book makers. Here are the lines they're currently offering (subject to change based on Tos' ability to get permission to leave during Todd's birthmonth).
2014 Fishing With Dummies Classic Vegas Odds (Rogers' Book):
Truth - 1000-1
Will he show up out of nowhere? Nobody knows. One thing is for sure. The stoned ghost of Truth will be with us.
Junior – 100-1
Why is last year’s champion 100-1? Because I don’t like him. That is all.
Tommy – 90-1
Will most likely spend more time doing boat repair than fishing. You can’t catch fish with a wrench.
Tos – 80-1
The shine is off. There is always the possibility that he casts backwards by accident and lip hooks a monster that he yanks out of the water and into the boat. There is also the possibility that he lip hooks whoever he is fishing with.
Lanagan – 50-1
The what do I need to bring again? And I might have to take a couple conference calls from the boat approach seems fishy to me. I think he’s on his game and doesn’t want anyone to know it.
Acky – 10-1
Hasn’t seen the top spot since year one, but he’s always in the mix. He has a big boat. We’ll be on a big lake. I think he’ll catch big fish.
Senior 5-1
Why not? Isn’t it time for him to win something besides a game of pool and baggo? Senior just might have what it takes to put his name on the plaque.
Odds as offered by the Lanagan Entertainment Group:
Acky - 1500-1 - There is annual talk of including a shooting competition, but lets be serious, this group is a liability to begin with, do we want to add firearms to the mix? Last year's show of sportsmanship by participating in all events was greatly appreciated by all. His very obvious tanking in all events didn't really bother anyone...unless you include his manhood and his pride?
The Truth - 1200-1 - even if he's not coming, I like his odds better than Acky
Johnny - 150-1 - nobody ever answered my "Who is Johnny?" question. Does he exist? Is he coming? Is he good at any of this stuff?
Tos - 40-1 - a little behind the next set of players at the hand/eye coordination events but the absolute wild card in poker. There has been a player this reckless in the history of the game. He'll call you more than a psychotic ex-girlfriend.
Lanny 14-1 - ZERO ping pong game puts him a hole having to chase the top 3 favorites who will all gain points in that event. Sure to place in Baggo but will it be a 1st or a 3rd? Fancies himself to have poker skillz but Tos calling a big raise with a gutshot straight draw could screw those dreams up quickly.
Tommy - 8-1 - a titan in Ping Pong and a guaranteed 1st or 2nd place in that event. Decent at baggo but playing against 3 people with inhuman game in that department. Is he good at pool? I cant remember who is good at pool? That might be the most important event.
Junior 5-1 - See above on Ping Pong. Excellent baggo skills as well. Need to goose egg him in pool and poker to keep this kid out of the winner's circle for back to back years.
Senior 7/2 - The least gracious winner of all time dominates no single event but is the most likely to place in all of them. And, if he does, it will be the most unbearable experience of your life.
It begins.......
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